peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
