this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
