I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
