And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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