yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
