My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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