Sponge bath it is.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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