OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
