I wish I could teleport
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
