lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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