you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
