I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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