Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She tied me up with her honor cords...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
