so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
