oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i believe in u and ur pee
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
