1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
