i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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