God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
