I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
