How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Buhtt sex?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
