she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
