nut hugger
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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