sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
