i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
