I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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