Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
