living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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