My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
