he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
