This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
