Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
