she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
