4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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