dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
