she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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