Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
