theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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