then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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