I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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