plz talk dirty to me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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