I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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