i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
