I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
