found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
