The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
