i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
