i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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