2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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