Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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