btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
