ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
