We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
