she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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