Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
